It’s been a fortnight since our last solid post. My apologies. I’ve really struggled with consistency this season. I didn’t trust my vibes and I wanted to scream at everyone around me. As you can already tell, its not a good time in my life right now but believe me when i say I’m doing it afraid. I’ve read through my previous blog posts this morning and tears filled my eyes. Not tears of congratulations or pride. But tears of disappointment.
I read journeying through inconsistencies and I thought to myself “I’m a good writer”. Then i moved to my favorite pieces –Trusting your vibes, and that threw me off completely. I know what to say to fix everyone else except myself. I read that key take home tip and it said, “whenever you are in disagreement with another party do nothing.”
I decided to correct my words in light of the new perceptions i have. I’m far from perfect and I believed in everything I wrote when i wrote it.
But I’m not a ‘hustler mentality’ campaigner and i will no longer advocate for things that say keep competing with the world and bend over backwards for a goal just to feel good. I’m sorry that i said “do nothing” what I should’ve said was do something for you and not them. Be still in your mind and make sound decisions for yourself. You are the key player in your life and sometimes doing nothing means bottling up emotions. It means faking it till you make it and I personally do not subscribe to that.
Understanding my vibes
Through out the time I’ve been writing a condensed version of Choquette’s Trust Your Vibes, i had absolutely no idea what that meant and the process i was required to follow in order to be in touch with my inner self. I was also learning how to listen to my body at the time and I struggled with lots of cognitive dissonance. The few chapters I managed to summarize were those that i read. But the ones I managed to practice were a handful.
When I started the wellness series in February and chose Choquette’s book, i was sure we would all have marvelous powers after reading her work. It was exciting for me to meet with information that I’d felt I’d badly needed in the past. So i read the book everyday and i took notes to affirm myself that i was doing good for myself and my readers. What i failed to understand is how impractical i was being at the time.
There’s a chapter that talked about keeping calm and listening to your inner self even when faced with challenges. Well two weeks ago i got into an argument with a former friend and my blood was boiling. So I decided i was going to give them my two cents. I shouted at them till my own head ached. I didn’t finish off there though. My anger was far from gone and i took it upon myself to ensure I wasn’t sleeping with misplaced emotions. I got home, charged my phone till it was like 20% and wrote the nastiest words I could think of. Now when i look back, I’m far from proud but at the moment i felt relieved.
My entire focus was on hurting them just an eighth of how much they had hurt me. My mind went to dark places that night. I thought about several ways that i could physically, emotionally or mentally frustrate them. But when the sun began to rise, I realized i was hurting because all along i had been the enabler of those bad habits that our relationship had fallen into. So why was i so mad at them for treating me exactly how I’d entertained as okay.
I cried for days. And I’ll write about all those experiences. But I realized in that moment as well that i had no clue about trusting my vibes, listening to my body, blocking out bad energies and being consistent.
I was wrong in many ways to make you feel like you weren’t doing enough in your life already. Because maybe you are. You shouldn’t just wait on miracles or go crazy like i did. Ask for help. Talk about your baggage. It’s not always about keeping face.
We have plenty of time to learn about our vibes and how they work. But first we must begin by understanding ourselves.
Our future posts will have more informed information and I’m looking foward to the emails and comments.