Doing it afraid

I will not wait for tomorrow to make me happy. Neither should you.

This day has been a roller coaster of emotions. At some point i was pretty sure I wasn’t going to make it through . And just to give you a feel of it, a very good friend was ill, i had a test i was barely prepared for and my credit card was declined. Among others, these were by far my worst.

By midday i was feeling stuck, alone, tired and i even fell back into an old habit of thinking i was doing something wrong and that’s why things weren’t moving smoothly for me.

With tears in my eyes i decided i was going to brave through the day. I was going to do afraid. My current read – Do It Afraid, by Joyce Meyer has emphasized the concept enough times for me to know that i needed to do what had to be done even if it meant crying a few seconds in the bathroom and pushing on to the end.

I sat the test, afraid. I escorted my friend to the physician, afraid. I drove home, afraid. My anxiety at every stage heightened. The devil on my shoulder couldn’t stop buzzing how i should wrap my head in my pillow, cry and sleep the day away. I couldn’t get the idea that tomorrow would be better out of my head.

I know you are probably wondering what’s wrong with wrapping yourself in your sheets and postponing today’s troubles to tomorrow.

Well here is the problem, if i keep waiting for tomorrow to be better than today, then I’ll wait a really long time. And yes, tomorrow might be better than today but what about the hours I’ve wasted with fixating on that idea?

Everyday brings on a new challenge and though it’s easier to walk through the rest of it with a heavy heart, a dull face and a positive attitude towards tomorrow, it is healthier and better to live life today as you look for the smallest things that will lift your spirits

At the end of the day, even though i was worried about various things, i decided i would have my happy ending. So, I had a chat with friends over late lunch, took a drive with a person i love and wrote down all the good things that had happened to me today. They may not have been as many as the ones that were heartbreaking but at least i had something to hold on to.

We cannot keep waiting for tomorrow to bring better attitudes or better circumstances. We must purpose to create these things today. I have decided that tomorrow will not make me happy. I will be happy on my own account and i will work through everything one step at a time.